There are many ways to expand one's social circle.
Today I did something which I don't normally ever do, which is that I went to Starbucks to use my computer. In fact I did not purchase anything and I am not planning on it, which I'm fairly sure is against the rules, so it's very fortunate that I just don't give a fuck.
The interesting thing about this activity was that when I connected to their internet without permission, the first thing that popped up was a bizzare poll in which a word read "cast" and you had to select one of two choices, "a wide net," or "a die."
They both fit, obviously, and I scoffed to myself about the unfair and biased nature of this poll, but I selected "a wide net" because it reminded me of my seaweed transport nomads idea and I don't want to forget that. Upon selecting it, however, it showed me that 80% of people agreed with me and presented a link which read, simply, Expanding Your Social Circle. Skeptical but intrigued, I clicked on this link, only to discover that it was nothing more than the Google search results for "Expanding Your Social Circle." During my mindless scrolling I became aware of what a great idea that was. Why not encourage people to meet each other? Isn't that life at its most fun?
Noticing that most of the links were blogs, it occurred to me that anybody with a mouth can blow more hot air into this jetstream with which Google is broadcasting itself to the world, or at least to the users of Starbucks's free wi-fi. Now adding to this litany of voices was me.
First, for those of you interested in getting laid - look how many hands just went up - there are five things you should try to do very frequently if you are interested in meeting men or women or whatever's going around these days. Second, I will discuss the reason people are not meeting each other - which, in a word, is sprawl - and I will likely bitch a bit so it is still very fortunate that I am someone who just doesn't give a fuck. Third, I will discuss the reasons why I, like Google, am interested in cajoling people into meeting each other. These reasons include lots of little projects like the one I illustrated above and a general reversal of the effects of sprawl, contemporary human discord, and the lawns catastrophe. I believe that by meeting people we can help humanity "advance" in spiritual, attitudinal and behavioral and ways, and make this world a far more interesting, enjoyable, and accessible place. I just pissed off basically everyone that cares about the Oxford Comma. This is why my ideas tend to wallow into the global scale and seem ridiculously impractical to some of my readers and critics.
I will end this paper by translating it to Spanish, Russian, Portuguese, Hebrew, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, French, Norwegian, German, Italian, Cherokee in its first alphabet, Bulgarian, Turkish, Bengali, Dutch, and Welsch, and if I have the time, or if it starts to get popular or lucrative (actually just lucrative) I could add a whole bunch more languages and go work for the EU or the UN or something and buy a briefcase and start wearing a suit to work. This is starting to get out of hand so I'll have other people do it.
I'm not sure if I will do this now, or someday, or never. Definitely not now, so one of the other two. In the meantime, I have lots of other ideas for projects which I think will really improve humanity, restoring the mobility and sustainability we had at certain times. Many of these ideas have been sketched or illustrated so I may post them here if ever I happen to do that. I know many people will disagree with me on things a lot so commenting is set to Open Season, as far as I can tell.
I need to close this because actually I didn't come to Starbucks to sit around here and lollygag on my blog. However I have added something to the litany of voices screaming Expanding Your Social Circle to drinkers of fancy coffee and because I haven't actually shared any concrete information on how to expand one's social circle I have either been totally unhelpful or absolutely brilliant, probably the former. I may come back and write again because this was easy and I did produce content so you're welcome. So remember to remind your loved ones that life begins outside of their comfort zone, and if, in a word, I were to make a quick recommendation of how to expand your social circle before next time, that would be it.
